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Funny Quotes 905

Will Rogers

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places...

Bob Hope

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

P. J. O'Rourke

Because of their size parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

Frank Sinatra

I'm for whatever gets you through the night.

W. C. Fields

I like children - fried.

H. L. Mencken

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from...

Mitch Hedberg

I wear a necklace cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

Bertrand Russell

The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow...

Lily Tomlin

If love is the answer could you please rephrase the question?

Walt Whitman

I no doubt deserved my enemies but I don't believe I deserved my friends.

Steven Wright

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Calvin Coolidge

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

Steven Wright

I bought some batteries but they weren't included.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

He taught me housekeeping when I divorce I keep the house.

Clint Eastwood

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

David Lee Roth

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

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For me I'm not a jealous person. That's just not my thing. You have to have trust in your relationship.

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