Spare a thought for the poor introverts among us. In a world of party animals and glad-handers they're the ones who stand by the punch bowl. In a world of mixers and pub crawls they prefer to stay home with a book. Everywhere around them cell phones ring and e-mails chime and they just want a little quiet.

So I got home and the phone was ringing. I picked it up and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

Recently I have come to assume that any call to my landline is from a telemarketer or an automated call from Terminex letting me know that our regularly scheduled pest-extermination service will occur on its regular schedule. So I usually ignore my home phone.

Yeah anybody can go in with two turntables and a microphone or a home studio sampler and a little cassette deck or whatever and make records in their bedrooms.

I have no idea how to get in touch with anyone anymore. Everyone it seems has a home phone a cell phone a regular e-mail account a Facebook account a Twitter account and a Web site. Some of them also have a Google Voice number. There are the sentimental few who still have fax machines.

The most compelling reason for most people to buy a computer for the home will be to link it to a nationwide communications network. We're just in the beginning stages of what will be a truly remarkable breakthrough for most people - as remarkable as the telephone.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

Women who marry early are often overly enamored of the kind of man who looks great in wedding pictures and passes the maid of honor his telephone number.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?

I'd rather entrust the government of the United States to the first 400 people listed in the Boston telephone directory than to the faculty of Harvard University.

I was nine or 10 years old and my father was sacked on Christmas Day. He was a manager the results had not been good he lost a game on December 22 or 23. On Christmas Day the telephone rang and he was sacked in the middle of our lunch.

It's funny though because when I first started going to races after we met I was extremely nervous. It's like being backstage and hoping you don't trip over something or break an amp or accidentally speak into a live microphone so I was really hesitant.

Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.

Communism is like one big phone company.

Well if I called the wrong number why did you answer the phone?

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?