I have no fear of making changes destroying the image etc. because the painting has a life of its own.

Nothing else so destroys the power to stand alone as the habit of leaning upon others. If you lean you will never be strong or original. Stand alone or bury your ambition to be somebody in the world.

I must be more sensible and realize that at my age illusions are hardly permitted and they will always destroy me.

I'm 36 and if I met a woman of my own age and married her I'd also be marrying her former life her past. It might be OK for some people - I don't want to judge it or anything - but it's not for me. It would destroy my creativity.