Life's pretty good and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate after all.

If God had wanted man to play soccer he wouldn't have given us arms.

I try to give to the poor people for love what the rich could get for money. No I wouldn't touch a leper for a thousand pounds yet I willingly cure him for the love of God.

If my future were determined just by my performance on a standardized test I wouldn't be here. I guarantee you that.

The funny thing is the songs that people think are about me probably aren't. And the songs that are probably are the ones they wouldn't think... so that's where it kind of is funny.

I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.

I have an inability to enjoy things but that's why we're in comedy. If we were happy we wouldn't be funny I guess.

I recently spent quite a bit of time in Sheffield England which is where I'm from. I wouldn't move back there but it's funny when you spend a bit of time in the place where you were brought up. You kind of realize how that place has had quite a big effect on you or made you a certain way.

It was always a fantasy of mine growing up - my favorite program was always 'Little House on the Prairie' - so I always wanted to wear those looks. When I was a child I wouldn't let my mom put me in anything but calico dresses and now... whaddaya know every day I'm in a calico dress basically so it's kind of funny.

I like reading Ball Tongue lyrics and all that stuff. And they published a book and I wouldn't give my lyrics and it's all wrong in the book and I giggle. It's funny.

Life is a very orderly thing but in fiction there is a huge liberation and freedom. I can do what I like. There's nothing that says I can't write a page of full stops. There is no 'should' involved although you wouldn't know that from literary reviews and critics.

I feel like my honesty gives people the freedom to talk about things they wouldn't otherwise.

Once I know people know who I am it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally.

I have no choice about whether or not I have Parkinson's. I have nothing but choices about how I react to it. In those choices there's freedom to do a lot of things in areas that I wouldn't have otherwise found myself in.

I wouldn't say that processed food ready meals and even takeaways aren't relevant to modern life it's just that over the past 40 years there are three generations of people who have come out of school and gone through their home life without ever being shown how to cook properly.

My grandmother was the greatest cook in the world. She could just go in there the whole kitchen would look like a tornado hit it and then she'd come out with the best food. Then she'd sit at the table and she wouldn't eat!

I don't feel any pressure to lose weight - and in any case if I didn't have my food I'd be a nasty piece of work and wouldn't be able to function.