I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking ' but I don't have that much time.
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered...
When I die I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were...
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment...
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said 'What for?'...
Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck but my lawyer thinks he can...
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me 'Did you sleep good?' I...
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
I have noticed that nothing I never said ever did me any harm.
