I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking ' but I don't have that much time.
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered...
When I die I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were...
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment...
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said 'What for?'...
Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach... it pisses...
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck but my lawyer thinks he can...
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me 'Did you sleep good?' I...
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
I was dating this guy and we would spend all day text messaging each other. And he thought that he could tell that he liked me more because he actually spelt the word 'YOU' and I just put the letter 'U'.
