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Joan Rivers's Quotes 23

Work

What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me?...

War

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just...

Respect

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...

Life

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on...

History

Yeah I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history too.

Happiness

People say that money is not the key to happiness but I always figured if...

Good

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or...

Good

Don't follow any advice no matter how good until you feel as deeply in your...

God

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over He would...

God

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit the stores are...

God

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over he would have put...

God

Yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery today is God's gift that's why...

Funny

Comediennes are the lucky ones because if you're funny you can be 125 years...

Funny

Never floss with a stranger.

Funny

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Funny

I hate housework! You make the beds you do the dishes and six months later...

Funny

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and...

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Jane Seymour Cool

It's interesting because a lot of my 16-year-old kids' friends know me from 'Wedding Crashers ' and not so much Bond. My kids have a good laugh. I was 20 then. The look I had then was the look that a lot of their friends are assuming now. They think it's cool. What goes around comes around.

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