Women should be obscene and not heard.
In Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
Next time I see you remind me not to talk to you.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set I go...
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
I not events have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose...
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll...
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest...
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
Marriage is a wonderful institution but who wants to live in an institution?
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is that I was born....
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that you've...
Rock and Roll: Music for the neck downwards.
