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George Carlin's Quotes 24

Christmas

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls...

Work

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light he had...

Travel

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

Time

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried...

Time

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time somewhere...

Time

Some people see things that are and ask Why? Some people dream of things...

Religion

Religion is just mind control.

Pet

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Money

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough...

Life

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

Good

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

Good

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...

Future

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Funny

In comic strips the person on the left always speaks first.

Funny

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Funny

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die your soul goes up on the...

Funny

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

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Red Skelton Happiness

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

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