I suffered from post-natal depression after Rowan was born. I had a healthy beautiful baby girl and I couldn't look at her. I couldn't hold her smile at her. All I wanted was to disappear and die.
The basic problem with my love relationships with women is that my standards are so high - and they apply equally to both of us. I seek full-blast mutual intensity fully fledged mutual acceptance full-blown mutual flourishing and fully felt peace and joy with each other. This requires a level of physical attraction personal adoration and moral admiration that is hard to find.