There are people who cannot forget as neither do I the lesson of the years of the Indochina War. Which was first that the state is capable of being a murderer. A mass murderer and a conspirator and a liar.
When you get just a complete sense of blackness or void ahead of you that somehow the future looks an impossible place to be and the direction you are going seems to have no purpose there is this word despair which is a very awful thing to feel.
