Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat...
Never stay in a bad marriage and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.
I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a...
The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any...
The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak...
I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a...
I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh but I had never seen...
It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit...
That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people and make sure...
I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.
But the wicked passions of men's hearts alone seem strong enough to leave...
I think the idea that you can go this alone is - was a huge mistake. And...
I have two ideas for novels at the moment neither of them all that...
Something about Texas I'm not proud of is that our state murdered 37 people...
I spend my life essentially alone at a computer. That doesn't change. I have...
I can support going in after Saddam Hussein but I want to make sure I don't...
I can barely remember what I wrote yesterday let alone 10 years ago.